


Doki Doki Grab bag!

by Spaghettibopp



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Mystery, Poetry, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, gays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-05-04 22:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14603520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaghettibopp/pseuds/Spaghettibopp
Summary: Basically, I upload anything that I don't want to upload on its own. Could be a wip, a story I'm not satisfied with, or poetry! Updates will be random and spontaneous, so you'll never know what you're gonna get. Of course, warnings will be posted at the beginning of the chapter, and tags will be added as time goes on. Expect gays, eventually.





	1. Nothing - Poetry

**Author's Note:**

> Slight warning for angst

I either feel everything at once  
Or nothing at all

I’m laughing, smiling, cheering  
I’m screaming, begging, crying  
I’m staring at a wall at two in the morning because there is n o t h i n g

I’m fidgeting, jumpy, and overstimulated  
I’m breaking, quiet, and lost at sea  
I’m d lf ja nda o l jhad o p p alsfj akslf a lla 

 

 

 

And there is nothing


	2. Presidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for angst

"Listen, I'm not the," Monika gestured in the air, as if trying to catch what she was trying to say, "the best at this. I know that this club is supposed to be my dream, the place where we can all go to enjoy ourselves, but...."

Sayori waited, hoping that there would be something else. That maybe what she was saying, what the paper said, that all of it was wrong. "You're leaving the club to me?" Monika nodded, quietly watching the table. Sayori wanted to watch it too. She wanted to trace every line and scuff mark they had made since the literature club was founded. She wanted to find her fingers in the letters carved on the bottom, "S+M" with a heart around them. She wanted to find in the table the guts to talk about how she felt, be it about Monika, the club, or any of its members.

Instead, she looked at the pen Monika had left beside the paperwork. It was Monika's favorite pen, with the heart at the top. Of course she was going to leave that behind too. Why would she keep anything that would remind her of the club?

"Why?" Before she could answer, Sayori repeated the question, something breaking in her voice as she spoke. _"Why?"_

....

Monika's green eyes seemed dull, tired. In that moment, Sayori could see how drained she was. From what, she couldn't understand. Wasn't the literature club a place of happiness? A place where they all could have fun and hang out? Or was Monika like Sayori, hiding her feelings, her numbness, under deep layers of a cheerful facade? "I just can't take it anymore." Monika leaned back, the chair creaking as she did. "This is just going to go on forever. What do you do when life is unending, when you're stuck in a loop that you can't break, no matter how hard you try?"

"Monika?"

"You'll see what I mean. Just sign the papers, Sayori. Please." She pushed the paperwork even closer to the Vice President, and watched with eyes of ice as Sayori did what she was told.

"There." She handed the pen back to Monika to make the last few signatures accepting the change. Immediately, the ex-President sighed in relief. "Well, that's a weight off my shoulders. Enjoy your new life, Ms. President."

With that, she left.

And with that, Sayori realized what Monika had meant.

"The Lady Who Knows Everything"  
And it all meant nothing.


	3. Festival Anxiety - Poetry

The new moon approaches  
And the gems on the floor stand,  
Unbroken

The new moon will bring the riots  
Trampling over the gems   
Until they become shards under the weight

I, as a shield, must protect them  
That is my true purpose  
But as I go to stand guard, I feel

My feet  
Slipping

And I know I will fall until the gems are useless  
The Sapphire can not save me  
The Rose Quartz will stand in shock  
The Amethyst will watch

The Sapphire reaches out, but

I am  
Already  
Plunging deeper

 

Into this abyss


	4. Hey, Hey, Are You Okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for:
> 
> Suicide Attempt  
> Mention of hospitals  
> Depression  
> Referenced self harm  
> Yelling  
> Cussing

The soup had the temperature of tepid bathwater, and without the pepper, tasted much the same. Yuri sighed and stirred the mix with her spoon, a book half-read beside her. The writing was ... amateur, at best. It just could not hold her attention, unlike Book of Marcov or Cloud 9. Even so, the TV didn't have anything better, and she had few other ways to pass the time. With a mournful glance at her bowl and a regretful spoon of soup, she picked the book up and continued from where she left off.

Buzzing caught her off guard, dropping the spoon with a _plop!_

__Gulping, Yuri grabbed the phone. "Natsuki? Alright, alright. Is Sayori there? .... Well, it's her house, Natsuki. I would hope she would be there. Yes, yes, I know. I'll be right over." Placing her book down, Yuri took the time to dump the soup and soak the bowl before she left. She didn't want ants or flies taking a bath in her below-average food.

When she arrived, the house was in its usual mess, but something was wrong. Sayori was nowhere to be seen. She did not come to greet Yuri like usual. Instead, it was Natsuki that opened the door, looking as confused as she did. "Where is-"

"Hey Yuri!" Sayori stood on the step leading to the doorway, a grocery bag in hand. Yuri let out a breath she did not know she had been holding and smiled. "Hello, Sayori. You went shopping, I assume?" She gave a glance at Natsuki, who immediately caught it. "I was waiting here for hours! You cant blame me for being worried." She crossed her arms, but there was fear in her eyes that hadn't been entirely resolved.

Sayori laughed. "It's alright Nat! But there's no need to worry about lil ol' me." She passed them both, her grip tightening on the bag. "I'm just gonna put this up! You guys don't have to stay if you don't want to, but feel free to make yourselves at home!" Sayori talked like they hadn't been coming over nearly every day. Yuri frowned, unsure of what to say. She watched the bright girl skip of the stairs, but something seemed off about it. There was grass on the bag and up her legs, like she had slipped coming home.

Yuri looked at Natsuki, checking to see if she noticed, if they should acknowledge it.

The girl's pink eyes hadn't left the staircase. Yuri couldn't help but feel the same.

"Come on, I'll start the tea." She started off towards the kitchen, but Natsuki did not move. "She's fine-"

"She's not _fine_ Yuri! There's something ... _wrong."_ She rubbed her arms, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeves. Yuri sighed, grabbing her pot from a cabinet. It had been left behind during some overnight stay and remained there ever since. A lot of their possessions, Yuri and Natsuki's both, had somehow ended up in Sayori's house, from toothbrushes and clothes to some of the girls' favorite novels and manga. She handled the pot with care as she gave it a quick wash before filling it with water.

"There's not much we can do about it. If she wants to talk to us, she will." Yuri heard a scoff and rolled her eyes. "You know she is. If something is up, she keeps it to herself." There was a pause, and Yuri could almost hear what Natsuki's next words were supposed to be. _Like you._ Like all of them, really. She was sure everyone in the literature club kept something or another to themselves. She had already begun to suspect some of their secrets, and hoped that she could keep hers hidden just a bit longer. But secrets or no, they all had issues with going to someone else for help, even when they really needed it. What was the best way to approach that though?

"Then what do you suggest we do?" She tried to sound mature, as if she did not feel like she was out of her element. As if the only thing she had ever been able to offer was support and not much else. As if she hadn't been a terrible friend-

Without warning, something wrapped around her waist. She nearly dropped the pot, which was now overflowing, as she turned to see her attacker. "I don't know," Natsuki groaned through Yuri's sweater, her face buried in the tall girl's back. "But I don't want her to feel like she's alone in this, whatever it is. She has us. She should know that by now." Yuri hummed as she turned the water off, but didn't move to the stove. She liked the affection, even if she had gotten used to it over time. When they met, it would have seemed out of character for Natsuki to hold her, but after so long spending hours and hours together with Sayori, physical affection had gradually become natural for the trio. "It can be easy to forget that you have people that love you.... You know, she has been up there a while. Maybe you should go check on her. I'll get the water boiling." Slowly, as if reluctantly, the girl let go, and Yuri watched her go. Then, she turned on an eye of the stove and gently set the pot on it.

And then she waited.

....

Her heart was pounding.

All senses were on alert.

Where's Natsuki?

"Natsuki?"

Where's Sayori?

"Sayori?"

Her legs were moving toward the stairs before her mind caught up. Her hands were shaking, a pressure building in her chest. Something was being chanted in her head like war drums, increasing with every step she took. Soon, she was running up the stairs, down the hallway, into the open bedroom door-

"Sayori!"

There she was, standing on a chair, grocery bag empty and thrown to the side because its contents were currently around Sayori's neck, up to a fixture in the ceiling.

She was crying.

"Yuri! Help me get this damn thing off!" Natsuki was struggling with the rope, her fingers trying to loosen the noose and failing. Yuri could think of no other way, so she got to work on the rope with a knife she had brought. There was still tiny flecks of blood on the blade, hardly noticeable, especially when its inch deep in rope and Yuri's hand is on the other side trying to make sure it doesn't cut into Sayori's neck.

Finally, the rope broke, frayed edges falling to Sayori's shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" Her sobs made it difficult to hear the rest, but Yuri got the idea. She helped her down from the chair, and Natsuki wasted no time addressing the elephant in the room.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Her voice cracked, tears running down her face. Sayori didn't answer, crying into Yuri since she was the closest.

Yuri's mind still hadn't processed what had just happened.

Sayori was standing on a chair ... with a rope around her neck?

"How the _fuck_ could you- why would you-"

Sayori was standing on a chair with a rope around her neck.

"You-You can't just leave us like that!"

Sayori was-

"Tell her, Yuri!" Yuri snapped out of it, instead looking from Sayori's crying form to Natsuki's terrified face. None of it could be real, could it?

"Yuri!"

She sniffed, but her nose was clogged. When had she started crying herself? "Y-you could have died," she said, arms wrapping around Sayori and holding her close. "You can't do that. I can't- I can't lose you." All she could hear were more "I'm sorry"s, but it didn't explain anything. It didn't explain what happened, what could have happened. But she couldn't expect answers right then. She sure as hell wanted them, but not then. A noise in the kitchen broke the moment, or so Yuri hoped. Natsuki still looked as pissed and horrified as before, but maybe it could give them a break. "Let's-" she wiped her face with her sleeve, careful not to aggravate the wounds underneath. "Let's just sit down. I need to- I need to process." With that, she peeled Sayori off and all but ran to make some tea. Her hands were shaking as she turned the eye off, and tears mixed with the water in her cup as she poured. She just needed a distraction, something to clear her mind. God, she should have brought that book with her. Anything would be better than having to deal with the thoughts in her head.

Was it her fault? Did she do something wrong?

She should have known. She should have seen this. They spend so much time together, and yet she was oblivious to this?

Just ... _fuck._

Yuri nearly dropped her cup. It was still hot, and she had forgotten to add the tea bag. She was trying to drink boiled water. The absurdity almost made her laugh, but it was hard when she still had a lot of crying to do. If she let herself go, she could be in tears for days. She had almost lost Sayori. She loved Sayori. Natsuki loved her too. It was the three of them, always. It could never be just two of any combination, or else there would be a piece always missing.

What was she supposed to do? What were any of them supposed to do? Yuri steeped the bag, looking at nothing in particular. The house felt freezing, like the temperature had taken a nose-dive. Footsteps stomped down stairs, followed by softer ones. Soon, the two loves of her life appeared, both looking distraught and broken. "We're getting her into a hospital." Sayori opened her mouth, but closed it when Natsuki gave her a look. "I'm going to go look up some places. Don't let her out of your sight." She was going to offer her phone for the search, but Natsuki was already gone. Sayori didn't move, staring at the floor. There was so much Yuri wanted to say, but she didn't know how.

The silence became deafening.

She had to speak. She could not let this be the moment where she froze. "I ... I don't know if it will help. But please, promise me something." She waited for a response, but there was nothing. "Promise me you'll try to get better, okay? We'll be here for you." For the first time since Yuri had gone through the doorway, Sayori looked at her. "I know. I do know. I know it doesn't look like that right now, but Yuri. I do know."

Yuri gulped, her voice shaky. "Okay."

Natsuki reappeared. "They say if it's an emergency, they can evaluate her tonight." She bit her lip, looking away. "But?"

"But she may have to stay."

Yuri froze. "How long?" Natsuki seemed to pick up on her anxiety. "A week, if the evaluation makes it seem like she should. We should pack before we take her up there, just in case. Sayori?" The girl looked to Natsuki, but nothing came out of the mouth of either. Yuri decided to break the silence. "Let's just get packed. What all will we need?"

....

Hours later, with everything packed, it was confirmed.

Sayori would be staying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This started out as something fun, then became me reliving something from someone else's perspective. I'm down for writing the hospital chapter (and it'll help explain some details, like the grass on Sayori), but would you guys prefer OCs or Love Live cameos? I need 15-19 people, though most of them can go without names if needed. I just need a few characters to be important for this. Also, Sayori will be 17 but almost 18 for the sake of her not going to the adult facility, since I don't know what that's like.  
> Sorry for the long author's note! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I may not write more, given the content, but you never know!


	5. Requests Open!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written on phone  
> Forgive my typos

Since this is a weird compilation of work, I thought it would be cool to open this for your ideas!  
There is no telling when or even if I'll get to them all, but having a few around would certainly help with writer's block.

I prefer more ambiguous ideas, like "sleepover poly ship" or even "sleepover Poly ship where Nat and Monika destroy Yuri in videogames" (which happened in "A (Not) Study Weekend"), but feel free to give longer descriptions!   
Any ship between the girls is welcome, so please throw your semi-rarepairs at me (like Sayuri), but keep it at least mildly appropriate. I won't be writing smut here.

If I really go all out on an idea, I might make it into a separate fic and let you know. ^^ or maybe even multichaptered? A series? That would be awesome tbh.

However, as I mentioned, I might not write a request or simply not have time to work on any of them for a while. I have had very bad experiences with opening requests with art, and I really hope you all are nicer than that. So please do not demand I do anything or constantly ask when the fic will be finished, or critique it in weird ways because it wasn't what you expected. (People are heartless when it comes to art and requests. My commissioners are almost always polite and patient and they are actually paying me to do things.) Thank you! 

So ... Yeah! ^^ I look forward to seeing what you come up with!


End file.
